No Pants Subway Ride

No Pants Day.  San Francisco.  Why not?  And so it was with hesitant enthusiasm that I drove to Adam’s house to dawn a pair of organically made, silky smooth, cotton boxer briefs.  (As a side note, the grumble of right-wingers humbly clinging to their Judeo-Christian guilt complex when it comes to “indecency” will be audible when reading this.  Please listen for it and think nude thoughts.)  Arriving promptly, I was met by my partners in crime: Adam, law abiding tenant and local stud.  Jason, Co-Founder of Pact, a sustainable organic cotton underwear company. 
And an eerie silence that represented Adam’s better half not too happy about certain public displays of high quad (although they are quite lovely) exposure.
Improv Everywhere first pulled this stunt on the subway in NY in 2002.  Today, cities and metros across the world participate, but, “The fact that the No Pants Subway Ride has become a global event with multiple cities participating on the same day has led to its confusion with No Pants Day,” cites Wikipedia.  
Really?  Who’s confused?  I’ve never heard of either, but that’s not to say it wasn’t a great time!
Ten minutes to go, I slipped on a new pair of boxer briefs and immediately thought, “My, these are soft!”  My wife Jen makes fun of me for having the criteria that anything I wear should be “warm and soft.”  Above style and function it’s got to have those two things, or it’s probably a no go for me.  Thus, it can also be a problem when I find something that fills form, function, and the soft and warmness categories.  For then I barely take it off.  (Sorry about the Cremeux mom.  It’s just too damn comfortable, hence the dirtiness of this once lovely sweater.)
Providing the draws for the day, Pact Underwear is manufactured in Turkey where everything happens within a 100 mile radius.  All the growing of the organic cotton, dying, sewing, etc, happens right there.  On top of that, local workers earn an above average wage.  Designed by Yves Behar, “each pair’s design is inspired by a social or environmental cause and is shipped in a compostable envelope.”  To boot, (to boxer?) 10% of the sale goes towards their not-for-profit partners.
Standing around in our undies, I was nervous that I might get a little cold, and made sure to wear my down vest just in case.  I was also a bit preoccupied with what I would look like trying to catch all those low angles.  You know what a 6’2” guy with gleaming white legs in tight boxer briefs looks like bent over?  Not a pretty sight I can tell you!  So I decided to un-pants a bit later at the Bart Station so I could photograph without fear on the walk over.
Strutting their stuff (literally), our group walked with purpose but little dignity.  My favorite part was the looks from the innocent bystanders.  I think I saw one man’s eyes burn out.  Making it to the platform, I took a look around, unzipped, and took ‘em off.  It felt like that first time getting naked in an Onsen; cautious and at first, and then completely liberated. 
The highlight for me had to be seeing girls checking out guy’s crotches.  I mean, just openly staring; something they never do (or at least do, but don’t get caught.)  There were a lot of nodding heads (eww… get your mind out of the gutter), but not really in an up and down approving motion.  Nor could you call it a side to side disapproving movement.  Actually, no real indication was made to reveal their honest thoughts, but remember I lived in Japan.  They have a word for this face, and I can easily see it and interpret it: Shogunai.  It literally translates as, “It can’t be helped.”
Sadly, no, it can’t.
So the next time you are on a subway and see someone take their pants off, don’t follow suit.  However, if you see a gaggle of people de-pantsing, ask them what’s going on.  I think if you decide to join them you’ll find yourself having a great time, chatting it up with strangers, and understanding that we all share (wait for it…) a common thread!
I just couldn’t resist.
See you down the road.
-Todd
      
 
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